Hi there! I'm not a real doctor!

Okay, I finally had an awful enough week at work to decide that the world needs to know about it. So here I am, eager blog virgin, ready to bare my soul.

This blog is all about being a female PhD working in a medical school and also at a large government organization that is usually closely affiliated with a medical school wherever it is located. (That should narrow it down a bit for you, eh?) That is about all you need to know, because if the large government organization ever finds out about this they will no doubt be really pissed off at my having bared a little of their soul along with my own. And although I sometimes really really hate my job, I would prefer not to lose it entirely. That's the kind of fool I am.

So.... what's so bad about being a female PhD working in a medical school? Well for starters, you have to work with a lot of MDs--the "real" doctors. Here is a conversation I've had so many times it doesn't even get my blood pressure up any more:

Old acquaintance/colleague: Well hello, Dr. Chindogu, how are you?
Passerby/twit: Oh wow, are you a doctor?
Me: Yes, I am.
Passerby/twit: Oh wow, where do you practice?
Me: Well, actually I don't practice. I do research. I'm a [my field]ist.
Passerby/twit: Oh. I though you were a real doctor.

Just about every PhD I know has that conversation at least three times a month. So let me set you bozoes who think your family physician actually knows what s/he is doing straight:

PHYSICIANS ARE NOT

REAL DOCTORS.

It's PhDs who are the REAL doctors. The MDs invented their degree when we wouldn't let them call themselves "Doctor" because we had the wisdom (we are PhDs, after all) to realize that to be a PhD, you have by definition to be a philosopher and physicians are obviously not philosophers, they are body mechanics and no one who hasn't suffered through comprehensive exams and a doctoral dissertation and dullwitted classmates spouting off ad nauseum in seminars should be allowed to use the title "Doctor" because it just waters down the team spirit we all developed while suffering through comprehensive exams and dullwitted etc. etc. etc.

You don't believe me, do you? Here, look at this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_fields_of_doctoral_studies

Do you see "MD" on this list? No, you don't! They tell you right there on Wikipedia that the MD is just a "professional" doctorate. "Professional" means "not a real one, just calls himself that so he can make a lot of money and get good tables at upscale restaurants." Being a physician is like being a lawyer or a pharmacist. It is not like being a philosopher and actually thinking about what you are doing before you just haul off and prescribe someone a drug that will very likely do them more harm than the disease it's meant to treat.

Trust me, I know... I'm a real doctor.